What's The Funk?
Saturday, September 22. 2007
I just wanted to let you all know that the meteorite that crashed down in Peru was just Sorpaculips arriving to get ready for the 2008 summer Olympics in Beijing. He told me the other day that he wanted to arrive early so that he could practice his slam dunks for when he faces off against Yao Ming.
Wednesday, August 8. 2007
MAN! I have been watching from the shadows, checking this site in between episodes of Doctor Who and trips to youporn.com, waiting patiently to see when someone would care enough to update again. Six months. SIX FRIGGEN MONTHS! (I would use cuss words, but that is not ladylike. Actually, that doesn't typically deter me from cussing, but what if children read this site? Actually, that doesn't deter me either. But DJ Hadoken frowns on cussing, and I do not like to upset him. He is delicate and breaks easily.) Anyway, where was I? Oh that's right...
SIX FRIGGEN MONTHS!
Honestly, I have nothing to say. I never do, so that's no real surprise. But I would not be able to live with myself if there were fans out there who thought that RIA had been torn apart by fame and fortune. So I have decided that within the next few days I will try and make a video to show what RIA has been up to for the past few months. Get ready for pancake images and possibly explosions. Hopefully I will actually come through this time, as I know I have promised videos at least TWICE in the past year and not delivered. I used to be able to blame that on school or work, but since I no longer need concern myself with either I am running out of excuses.
For the record, DJ Benvenuto never felt the need to make me the one song I have requested, so this video will not be set to the dulcet tones of "Aural Sex" (or as I like to call it "The Song that Never Was") but I will try to find something suitable as a second rate replacement. Just know this: whatever video I do make will not be as good as it could be because DJ Benvenuto never came through; DJ Benvenuto has failed us all. Thanks for nothing you nappy-headed cholo.
Sunday, February 11. 2007
Intaktu malpranakma. Been awhile since the last update. Other than the boards, not much activity on the site recently, but I've been working on RIA-related projects for the past few months so all is well. I am going to be graduating soon so my senior projects and job hunting are sucking away most of my free time, but after graduation I plan on devoting more time to completing these RIA projects. The most immediate of which are Got Rice Part VI and Necromancer vs The Moon Men + Necromancer vs The Star-Eaters. Got Rice Part VI will hopefully be filmed this summer. Climbing Arc Episode 2 will follow after NVMM + NVSE.
DJ Benvenuto has been working on a ton of new songs and after I get my act together we should have some vocals to go along with his music. Also, NARC has been complete for about a month now, so if you haven't seen it yet you can get a direct link below. It's a powerful, rocking film that will make your head explode and feel as if you had heroin squirted into your eyes!
SAY NO OR WATCH NARC!!! (88.3 mb WMV)
Until next time. Inkala dunbakta!
Monday, December 25. 2006
Stupid title, I know. But its 2 AM and I just lost my entire post - I didn't feel much in the mood to be witty. Here is my recreated post as best as I can manage it:
I could sit here and say "I hate the holidays." But that wouldn't be completely true. I could sit here and say "I love the holidays." But that wouldn't be completely true either. Sure it can be a little crazy, but I do like what the holidays are about. Its just that it can be a little stressful and a little hectic and I like things at a slower pace unless I'm on the clock or getting graded. Or having sex (but that's a whole different issue).
Anyway, I wasn't sure if anyone was going to do a "holiday post" (unless DJ Benvenuto does a Christmas Butt Rape) so I decided to take charge and go for it. I got to thinking and I knew one thing for sure: I love posting pictures of my dog on the internet. So for all of you who love the holidays, here is a present from The Funk Mistress to you. And for all of you who hate the holidays, here is something that will make you laugh on an otherwise miserable and pointless day.
Merry Christmas from The Funk Mistress and Lola Dog!
Thursday, December 14. 2006
Just a quick update. So that people don't start thinking we've abandoned the site.
We've all been busy in one way or another but it's winter break time and that means free time. We do have some actual updates coming up. So, I'll go through them just so that you have something, however small it may be, to look forward to.
NARC is finally complete and that means it'll hopefully be up on the site within a week or two. You'll either be saying no or you'll be dying very soon.
Next up, more self promotion. I've been working on "music." I'm far from an expert musician but I've been trying and I'm almost done with my first batch of songs. There will be something like 13 or 14 unreleased original tracks and all the songs I've already made that are on the site. I should be done with the "album" very soon. If you're actually interested then stay tuned and thanks for the interest.
Also, I've been getting some good pictures for the Buttrape of the Month from the Funk Mistress and TornadoChaser. Expect to start seeing them soon.
That's everything that I know of. I don't know if Hadoken or the Funk Mistress have anything in the works. Although she does have that music video that has been in the works for I don't know how long. Longer than LHO JWB has been in the works? Good question.
One more thing. I retract anything good I ever said abotu Lindsay Lohan. As you may remember I reviewed Herbie: Fully Loaded and I loved it. However, it has come to my attention she's had a bad case of skank for quite some time now. Who knew? Also, she knows nothing about the English language. Girls (this site is extremely popular with 9-13 year old girls) she's a bad role model. Not Disney material at all. Aaron Carter on the other hand....
Tuesday, October 31. 2006
i have crawled out from under a pile of exams and rather long papers in order that i may update the site. all for for. you should feel so special. i'm sure you're thrilled to hear i did well on all the exams. the jury is still out on the papers though.
after crawling out from under said mountain of exams i realized i still have made no video. and here is why: my camera is out of commission. oh it still works, but in its own special and irritating way. like the elderly, its finicky and stubborn and used to walk five miles in the snow to get to school. and like the home made porno i TOLD javi to destroy, i have to perform obscene gestures on the shutter with my index finger to get any sort of reaction at all. i am currently working to remedy the situation: "Kodak Easy Share CX7430, i think we need to see other people. you need to see the garbage man and i need to see a camera salesperson. quit using my toothbrush and give me back all my cds."
did you know that halloween is coming up? it is. it is tomorrow. lola is going to be a witch. she has a little hat and a little black tutu and she straight up hates it. she is miserable in it and i don't care cause she looks cute. and as her mother is it my job to force her to wear uncomfortable outfits, just as my mother did before me and her mother did before her. what am i looking forward to most on halloween? lola pisses everywhere when she gets excited and she gets real excited when she sees strangers. there is gonna be a lot of rayon and lycra getting soaked in dog pee on my front door this year. tricks? treats? i don't see why i should only give america's youth one when i can indulge them in both. kit kats and dog whiz for all!
also, the title of my post is a lie. here is a useful tip: never VOMIT on the Funk Mistress's fan of power. it makes her very, very angry and breaks her heart a little. and then her daddy stands outside saying cuss words while he hoses the wondervan down.
no RIAfians, i did not make that up. i wish i did, but i didn't. last night someone really tricked their treats onto my car.
Friday, October 6. 2006
The other day I was watching television and I saw a commercial about Jim Davis. As I'm sure you all know Jim Davis is the creator of our favorite Monday hating orange cat. Garfield! Come on guys don't you love Garfield. I hate MONDAYS!! I LOVE LASAGNA!!! This commercial brought to my attention something I was completely unaware of. Jim Davis is running for governor. In Florida. Hell, I didn't even know Jim Davis lived in Florida. Who knew I was so close to the genius behind Garfield? I was also oblivious to the fact that Jim Davis was so into politics. I would expect this from the creator of Doonesbury or even Family Circus. Hell, I'd even expect it from the creator of Marmaduke. Have you ever read Marmaduke? It's more Christian than Family Circus. That Talk about an agenda. That Marmaduke is the definition of a fundamentalist. Garfield on the other hand, never struck me as political at all. Sure, Odie had his moments but nothing major. So, I'm sure you all understand how shocked I was when I saw this commercial.
Before I move on I'd simply like to say that as a kid I read many of Garfield's novels. I refuse to say graphic novels because these were beyond that. They are true works of literature. Afterall, don't we all hate Mondays? I also loved the tv specials and the cartoon. I even had a Garfield bookmark. Jim Davis is a writer of the highest caliber. However, is Jim Davis as good a public servant as he is a writer? I don't know. My first impulse would be to wholeheartedly endorse him but that is my heart speaking not my brain. So I must advise anyone reading this that you must make a wise choice. Don't simply say "This man made Garfield! He'd make a good governor." Choose wisely. If it was Garfield himself that was running for office I would vote for him faster than it would take him to finish an entire tray of lasagna. I know RIA doesn't usually get involved in politics but I feel that it is my duty to talk about this matter. Not only as a resident of Florida but as a Garfield lover. I'm glad to see Jim Davis is still out there in the public spotlight but I hope he's doing it for the right reasons. Not only for my sake but for the sake of the country, the sake of the people of Florida and for the sake of the legacy that is Garfield.
Sunday, October 1. 2006
Yeah. I've been gone for a while. Like Hadoken said we were in Japan and on top of that I just didn't have much of a reason to update the site. I still don't really have anything but just for the sake of doing something I've got a Butt-Rape. I believe this was sent to me The Funk Mistress. It has been a while and I can't really remember. If I'm wrong then I'm sure she'll let me know. I could ask her but I'm already writing this and I just don't feel like it.
It has been a year since I restarted the Butt-Rape of the zmonth so thanks to everyone that has actually given me pictures to post. We may not have 12 pictures for 12 months but something is something.
So here we go. They say that the relationship between a boy and his dog is one of the strongest and closest you will ever see. This picture leads me to believe they should change that from boy to... you figure it out.
BUTTRAPE OF THE MONTH: SEPTEMBER
That goes to show you people. If you put up something on the internet IT IS FAIR GAME!! RIDE THAT DOG HELL YEAH RIDE IT BABY!!! YEEEEEEAH OOOH YEEEEAAAH WIGGLE AROUND A LITTLE!!!! YEAH OH OH HANG ON DON'T FALL OFF!!! OOOOH YEAH!!!!
Hope you enjoyed it. That's all for now.
Monday, September 25. 2006
Kewl Kat has this to say:
YEEEEEEEEEEAAA!!Skeet,Skeet! I been underground perfecting the Southern Sound.
And you know what means?I have new tricks up my sleeves, new rap CD and maybe new movie.
What the heck?There is going be new movie.
RIA Presents Got Rice Part VI featuring, the Kat, DJ Hadoken Exlamparaaghis and Zath.
There will be more fights, more ghetto looking cars and lot of rapping.
So watch out for that one!Coming your way soon.
Now about my new CD is called the Kat is back in the Hood.
It should include tracks from the Climbing Arc Soundtrack plus few ones.
If you havent heard, RIA has teamed up with the Kat, to form new label
called RIA/Southern Cowboy Productions,Im looking for new rappers to sign.
So start sending me some raps, maybe you get produce by the one and only Kewl Kat.
Until then,
Ride Dirty, Dont let you be catchin' riding dirty!!
Ghost Ride the Whip,Miami Style!!
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