Honestly, I don't even want to do this post. This will be the fifth update in a row for me and I don't even like the idea of birthdays anyway. However, I like the idea of Javi. So, the slew of October/November birthdays ends (unless I'm missing someone, and I very well could be). If I missed your birthday, let me know and I'll be happy to make some kind of celebratory video to make up for it. Anyway...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAVI!

Its too bad your birthday didn't fall on Thanksgiving this year. Then you could celebrate with pumpkin pie AND cake.

Yes, there is another birthday. and i'm a day late posting it because i was busy shopping and stabbing myself in the finger with a pocket knife during an impulsive craft project. i think there is only like one more birthday before the slew of posts can end. and you should all know i only continue to do this because i can only imaging how repetitive and stupid you all probably think it is. and also because i love david.


Happy Birthday David. Pull down your pants.

And now, time for another announcement. one of the "birthday" variety. yep. another. and i am sure there are at least two more, but that's off the top of my head and i could be wrong. anyway, its DINO'S birthday!! he's the lovable, tri-cornered hat wearing bad ass from Climbing Arc. and i bet you all wish you could be him. well you can't. too bad, you lose.

Happy Birthday Dino! Enjoy the gift and I hope you don't fail out of school because of it.

Didn't I try to warn you? Didn't I say the birthdays were coming? Its not my fault if you didn't listen. Today we have birthdays in spades. Well not really, just two. Twins. Hooray for shared wombs. Happy birthday to my favorite twins ever. I bet they could kick Mary-Kate and Ashley's asses. Even if those little blond stick figures took off their stilettos and used them as weapons, they would be no match for Eladio and Patricio.* And after they knocked those girls on their asses they would have their way with them. Take that Olsen empire.

Happy Birthday Eladio and Patricio!!!

*for diplomacy's sake, I put the names in alphabetical order. anyway, we all know who my favorite twin is.

We have a RIA birthday today! That's right, the long line of October through December birthdays is finally upon us. Get ready for Happy Birthday posts by the truckload over the next few months. Today is none other than Joe the Woodsman's birthday. Yay! Happy Birthday!

I KNOW! I WILL MAKE A BIRTHDAY VIDEO! Finally! A good reason to throw a vid together - I did it for DJ Hadoken, why not for Joe the Woodsman? I mean, its like 7:46 AM and I'm awake so I might as well. Expect an entry edit soon, hopefully within the next two or three hours.


EDIT:
Alright folks, here is the new video. Admittedly not my BEST work, but keep in mind that I haven't made a video in a while and I've never made one set to slow music. But how could I resist a birthday video set to one of my favorite New Kids on the Block songs??? I also should point out that the video skips a bit in two or three spots and, not to keep making excuses, but that's due to some technical difficulties I had during editing. I'm hoping I can correct that down the line. To appease anyone who might not enjoy the lack of cheap special effects (tilting the images, flipping the images, doodling on the images in MSPaint) in this new video, I threw in a one of my director trademark clips. Enjoy. I know this video isn't quite the triumphant return everyone was hoping for, but we can always blame that on Tony STILL not making me the Aural Sex song. I'll make good videos again when Tony makes that song.
Download here:
HappyBirthdayJoey.WMV

MAN! I have been watching from the shadows, checking this site in between episodes of Doctor Who and trips to youporn.com, waiting patiently to see when someone would care enough to update again. Six months. SIX FRIGGEN MONTHS! (I would use cuss words, but that is not ladylike. Actually, that doesn't typically deter me from cussing, but what if children read this site? Actually, that doesn't deter me either. But DJ Hadoken frowns on cussing, and I do not like to upset him. He is delicate and breaks easily.) Anyway, where was I? Oh that's right...

SIX FRIGGEN MONTHS!

Honestly, I have nothing to say. I never do, so that's no real surprise. But I would not be able to live with myself if there were fans out there who thought that RIA had been torn apart by fame and fortune. So I have decided that within the next few days I will try and make a video to show what RIA has been up to for the past few months. Get ready for pancake images and possibly explosions. Hopefully I will actually come through this time, as I know I have promised videos at least TWICE in the past year and not delivered. I used to be able to blame that on school or work, but since I no longer need concern myself with either I am running out of excuses.

For the record, DJ Benvenuto never felt the need to make me the one song I have requested, so this video will not be set to the dulcet tones of "Aural Sex" (or as I like to call it "The Song that Never Was") but I will try to find something suitable as a second rate replacement. Just know this: whatever video I do make will not be as good as it could be because DJ Benvenuto never came through; DJ Benvenuto has failed us all. Thanks for nothing you nappy-headed cholo.

Stupid title, I know. But its 2 AM and I just lost my entire post - I didn't feel much in the mood to be witty. Here is my recreated post as best as I can manage it:

I could sit here and say "I hate the holidays." But that wouldn't be completely true. I could sit here and say "I love the holidays." But that wouldn't be completely true either. Sure it can be a little crazy, but I do like what the holidays are about. Its just that it can be a little stressful and a little hectic and I like things at a slower pace unless I'm on the clock or getting graded. Or having sex (but that's a whole different issue).

Anyway, I wasn't sure if anyone was going to do a "holiday post" (unless DJ Benvenuto does a Christmas Butt Rape) so I decided to take charge and go for it. I got to thinking and I knew one thing for sure: I love posting pictures of my dog on the internet. So for all of you who love the holidays, here is a present from The Funk Mistress to you. And for all of you who hate the holidays, here is something that will make you laugh on an otherwise miserable and pointless day.

Merry Christmas from The Funk Mistress and Lola Dog!

i have crawled out from under a pile of exams and rather long papers in order that i may update the site. all for for. you should feel so special. i'm sure you're thrilled to hear i did well on all the exams. the jury is still out on the papers though.

after crawling out from under said mountain of exams i realized i still have made no video. and here is why: my camera is out of commission. oh it still works, but in its own special and irritating way. like the elderly, its finicky and stubborn and used to walk five miles in the snow to get to school. and like the home made porno i TOLD javi to destroy, i have to perform obscene gestures on the shutter with my index finger to get any sort of reaction at all. i am currently working to remedy the situation: "Kodak Easy Share CX7430, i think we need to see other people. you need to see the garbage man and i need to see a camera salesperson. quit using my toothbrush and give me back all my cds."

did you know that halloween is coming up? it is. it is tomorrow. lola is going to be a witch. she has a little hat and a little black tutu and she straight up hates it. she is miserable in it and i don't care cause she looks cute. and as her mother is it my job to force her to wear uncomfortable outfits, just as my mother did before me and her mother did before her. what am i looking forward to most on halloween? lola pisses everywhere when she gets excited and she gets real excited when she sees strangers. there is gonna be a lot of rayon and lycra getting soaked in dog pee on my front door this year. tricks? treats? i don't see why i should only give america's youth one when i can indulge them in both. kit kats and dog whiz for all!

also, the title of my post is a lie. here is a useful tip: never VOMIT on the Funk Mistress's fan of power. it makes her very, very angry and breaks her heart a little. and then her daddy stands outside saying cuss words while he hoses the wondervan down.

no RIAfians, i did not make that up. i wish i did, but i didn't. last night someone really tricked their treats onto my car.